It is that time of the year again. A time when you sit back, preferably with a drink in your hand. Or not, especially if you are a mommy of two, like yours truly (in which case, the drink often turns out to be a hot chocolate!) You sit down and you mull, really ruminate on what you did all year long. This time is my favorite part of the year (except in the year 2009 when I lost my only brother in an accident)
This is how I do it. It has become a ritual now. Sort of a tradition. I used to have a real book, with a real pen back in those days. Time has metamorphosed the book in my hand to a laptop. It is more convenient, no doubt about it. But I loved the notebook more. Thoughts would flow in a hurry first, almost like a dam that has just opened, only to slow down as the night progressed to a gentle ebb. Doodles would be drawn when memories were replayed. A heart with initials, back in the year 2002 when I was consumed by love for the man, whom I would eventually marry and spend seven lovely years with.
Those days it used to be a music player gurgling my favorite tunes. These days it is a beloved movie, being played for the hundredth time. There is something about watching a beloved movie, and reading a much loved book time and again. They sort of become like your best buddy. You know what’s going on, you know how it is going to end.
So here I am, midnight, both kids and a flu-affected husband snugly tucked away in bed. The cup of hot chocolate has been replaced by a cup of very hot coffee. And might I add, a bonus this year, my feet being massaged as we speak in my mom’s Kawachi Massager.Heaven! This is where I begin reminiscing.
At the beginning of this year, I was a clueless, confused, flabbergasted and utterly overwhelmed mother of two, one of whom was just three months old. I was scouring forums, looking for reasons why my baby cried everyday, heartbreakingly for hours before she slept. We tried home remedies, allopathy, ayurveda, craniosacral osteopathy and almost all forms of treatments known to mankind trying to ease her. While they failed, in retrospect, I now know that it was what I had suspected all along. My baby just hates being a baby. Here is a little person, with a sharp mind, understanding and absorbing everything, and not being able to do much about it. The minute she was able to walk and investigate everything, her crying reduced drastically. Oh! She still cries, and might I add, with rigor and passion! But now I know, when and why. She still isn’t an evening person. Most importantly because she gets overtired, but doesn’t want to give up playing. When she laughs though… and when her overtired arms close tight around my neck while she snuggles into my shoulder… her playful nose-rubbing in my clothes, her finger holding on to mine at night… Well let’s just say, we have evolved together.
I learned that while difficult, it is not entirely impossible to do the housework, cook, manage two kids, and blog and bake at the same time. I slept less, but I haven’t been this happy in years. The best thing about 2013, is that I found myself. I found my passion, I found my calling, and most importantly, I found the courage to walk on the path that was difficult but soul-satisfying.
No matter how much you think a task is impossible, when you give it your passion, half the war is won right there. Like my husband often tells me, “There are thousands of reasons for not doing something, but just one reason to do it. And it is that you want to do it.” Did I ever tell you that my husband is a wise man? He is.
Which is why he was able to spend seven years with me without wanting to strangle me. I am a difficult darned person to live with. I can throw the royal-est of tantrums when I am in “that” mood. (Psst… see this is the magic of reminiscing. Now I know where my baby gets her mood swings from! :-D)
Was I of any help to anyone? In small things, yes. In big things, no. I know where I need some improvement next year.
Was I able to set goals and achieve them? No. I was sort of going ahead in a haphazard manner. Things just accidentally happened, this year. But now that they have materialized, I know how and where I want to channel my energies this year.
Was I a good parent? Whoa! I don’t know. God knows I fall short of patience, many many times. Do my kids know that I love them unconditionally? Yes.
Do they know that I accept them the way they are and will do so in future? Saee knows, Sal is too young.
I do need major improvisation on homemaking skills, and parenting.
For the year 2014, I have three major goal areas.
1.) Personal – Parenting and Home management
With this note, I sign off.
Adieu 2013. You were a good year.